I am at a crossroads. I am exhausted. I want to throw in the towel. I want to walk away and quit.
It is not the teaching, when I get to teach, I love it.
Just the other day I held review sessions with my students discussing professionalism and scenario's. Their answers amazed me and gave me hope, they got it! They are doing it at their internship locations. A few students mentioned that they feel like doing the professional thing is being a snitch. We discussed that you should try to work it out with the co-worker first discussing your concern, modeling for them and asking how you can help them, before just going to a supervisor.
As, I am giving advice, I am going through my own professional dilemma. Months of frustration, keeping anecdotal and running records on 1 student. Months of waiting for a coworker to do what they said they were going to do. Sending weekly updates and waiting for action. Meanwhile, what was said is not happening. Then, sitting in a meeting and being asked to continue. Months of me waiting came to it's boiling point. I thought I might be having panic attacks, to in this moment, realizing I am having a full blown attack of panic. I was in disbelief at what my coworkers were suggesting. All I could mutter is no I can't continue thirty more days. I have asked for help. I am trying to be a successful teacher for this student... I have to get out of here, did someone ask me if I need to leave.
I got up a walked out. I could not catch my breath, holding back tears, my heart racing, my chest tightening and I am panting. I make it to my classroom. A teacher and students are in mid discussion, I mutter, "I'm sorry to step out, I need to sit in the office for a few minutes." I close the door behind me and tears flow. I am sipping water and trying to catch my breath. What just happened? What is happening? I call a teaching friend in my union. I'm trying to get through what I remember. I can't go on 30 more days, I already have a year worth of observation, data collection and meetings in regards to this. I can't physically or mentally continue.
In teaching, you sometimes have a child you can't reach so you seek out to find a connection, some way to at least to teach them the content. Then you have a scenario where a child, who no longer wants to learn your elective subject, elective meaning a choice, has to stay in the class. How are we, the student or teacher, to survive this?
The Ohio Department of Education states; “Secondary transition is: "designed to be within a results oriented process, that is focused on improving the academic and functional achievement of the child with a disability to facilitate the child's movement from school to post-school activities, including post-secondary education, vocational education, integrated employment (including supported employment), continuing and adult education, adult services, independent living, or community participation; is based on the individual child's needs, taking into account the child's strengths, preferences, and interests; and includes instruction, related services, community experiences, the development of employment and other post-school adult living objectives, and if appropriate, acquisition of daily living skills and functional vocational evaluation." [34 CFR 300.320(b)] [20 U.S.C. 1414(d)(1)(a)(i)(VIII)(aa)-(bb)]”
Emphasizing "child's interest" to me means that when a student changes their mind, then we need to offer them options. Options that don't mean they struggle and receive a failing grade or that the teacher gets dinged by the state for student not completing. This is what is happening. How am I just suppose to accept this? How is this acceptable with my commitment to my student's being successful in life? Am I just to ignore them, just teach the ones who want to know? Like this doesn't cause major distractions? I ask for guidance. I recruit differently, yet it still happens and their is no solution.
What is the definition of insanity, trying new things and regardless getting the same, over and over and over and over. At some point, you start to look for a way out.
