Family; My Date meets my Family

 The day my date met my Family

Why do I care?  Why do I try to help?

2-24-24

I was at a movie when I got the call, it was my sister, her truck broke down. 

I told my son to go to her and call the Tow truck, to use 1 of our tows in our roadside assistance program. 

He waited almost 2 hours in the cold and still no tow truck. 

It had snowed 2 inches that night and the morning made messy roads, so tow trucks where probably busy, 

He called me as I was leaving the movie theater. Upset and cussing, 

My friend, the guy I was on the date with, was about to meet my family.

I asked him if he wanted to go with me or I could take him home first. I warned him that they are not having a good day and he would see the real side of them. 

He said sure I’ll go and help you.

My sister messages me ‘just pick me up and take me to my truck.’ 

I was like why did you leave him in the cold with your truck? I thought you guys would be sitting in the heat of the car? 

No, my Dad dropped him off and then my sister went back home with my Dad. 

They thought no big deal, leaving the young 21 year old to wait in the cold for the tow truck, which said they were coming at 2pm, I got there at 3:30pm and still no tow truck.

Everyone was in a foul mood. 

I mean who wants to deal with a vehicle breaking down? No one. 

My sister was cussing and fussing, talking about how she feeds my son. I reminded her that I told her over and over to not buy groceries for him, he has $$$ and can buy his own groceries.

I know he does not like to shop or be responsible. 

I know this is why he does not live with me but lives with her, my sister, in his grandparents house,

This is my family. 

My son opens my truck door, cussing and fussing. 

He tosses something that slides down my back and lands beside me and my door. 

What was that?

He sits a box of donuts down on the back seat.

He shuts the door.

My sister says where is he going. Where are my keys?

I look and he has started walking down the street. 

That is what he tossed behind me, her keys. 

Really why be a jerk?

I handed her her keys.

I told her I needed to drive, pick him up and see if he canceled the tow truck. 

I drove past him and pulled in a car detail parking lot, rolled my window and said get in he said no, I’m walking. 

Ok. 

My date looks at me and says you are so calm and patient. 

Well someone has to be. 

I drive back to the gas station, where my sister’s truck broke down. 

I go into the gas station store to get a drink, my date comes and gets a drink too. 

We go back to my truck and called the roadside assistance company. 

They check on the request made by my son. They state that the address was incorrect and that they got an update on that and have moved the case to priority. 

I text my sister, he did not cancel. 

My Mom calls and her friend who has a tow company states that they are busy just give time to the tow we have placed. My Dad is in the background calling my son a baby. 

I grab the box of donuts and ask my date if he’d like one. 

My sister picks a donut too. 

I am stress eating this donut, I say. 

I thought my son would just walk to my house.

He calls, I’m at the library, the tow truck is coming soon, I don’t have my keys to your house, can you come pick me up? Yes I can, ok he says I am going to start walking back towards you. 

I drive to pick my son up.

Then we are all sitting at the gas station, waiting for the tow truck.  

I now introduce my date to my son. 

It is 4:30pm when tow truck arrives. 

My son drives with Tow truck driver. 

My sister drives with me and my date.

We are going to my parents house. 

My sister is on speaker phone with her boyfriend. 

He thinks he can fix her care and she will give him her goods.

She begins to explain to my date and I that this is how she handles getting what she needs. 

Her boyfriend says that he is going to eat her out. 

I laugh.

This is my family, 

My date has met most of them and in a few short minutes, when we arrive at my parents house, he will meet the rest of them.

I gave my son tip money to give to the driver. 

My Dad wants my sister's truck to be out front, but the tow truck driver explains that the gear shifter is stuck and he can’t get the truck close to the curb by parallel parking at this time. 

Thus my Dad has to move his truck from the gravel parking spot out back.  

I carry in the donuts. My Dad said oh that is what we need, I’m like JD bought them. He says why not, I was sitting across the street and was hungry. 

My Dad says oh they will get ate. 

I know, we all already had one. 

I introduced my date to my parents and my brother. 

Update, 2 months later and we are still dating.

Aunt Peggy

 We will be placing you to rest at the cemetery, by your parents, in late April of 2024.  

I will never forget the way that you were there for me, like when you found an officiant for my wedding. When we traveled to Germany together. You were there for me when I thought my marriage was ending the first time. I’ll never forget the weekends that I came over, we would watch TV,  you would let me cry and just helped me get through it. You didn’t judge me when I decided to stay with my husband. A year later you were there when my son was born.

Then 8 years later you stood by me in court for my marriage disillusionment hearing. You drove me & picked up my husband, soon to be ex. Let me say that again, I paid for the dissolution & he had to add his spin on it. He had to be difficult. He said, “I had to drive him there if I wanted this.” 

I had given him years & had grown weary of his non supportive ways. I went to a marriage counselor, who helped me see that I was not in a healthy place. You listened to me as I processed that my marriage was toxic and you loved me through it. 

You stood by my side, we picked him up & drove to court. He walked in with us & agreed. I was so relieved. Hurt, but it could have gone worse. You hugged me & loved me through it. 

We had so many road trips to Florida & Illinois to visit your son, my cousin. We would take his kids & my son to the park, beach, Chuck E Cheese and many other kid places. We made great family memories. 

You were a recovering alcoholic. 

I have no memories of your alcohol episodes.

You never thought you were perfect. 

You always said 1 day at a time. 

You would quote the Serenity Prayer…

“God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.”

                                            written by Reinhold Niebuhr

May you rest in peace Aunt Peggy. 

Love always, 

Your Beckers 

Chapter 5 & 6

​Chapter 5 

3 days until cruise 

Why am she still single?

Partly because she is not settling or jumping in. She’s trying to build friendship first. She chatted with an IT guy for a few days. Then he just went cold. She sent a message after he didn’t call like he said, that I’m getting ready to go out of town but wanted to check in … that I understand if you are no longer interested in chatting. Left it at that. He had said he was going to call but didn’t. Perhaps she is too nice, she just had to communicate something, but she messaged on the app. 

Then she noticed 4 new likes, 1 guy’s profile says sex, I need lots. Omg seriously? Well no big X on that one. 

She was married to that. She wants more than just sex, is that too much to ask for? 

How many years? How many chats? Ugh 

She still looks in the mirror & says, you are an amazing woman & you deserve an amazing man. Just keep the faith. God are you listening, I’m ready, please send me the one, you know my heart, Amen. 

Her ex husband saw her post about signing a contract for her new job, he sent a message of congratulations with xoxoxo, she didn’t not respond. 

Nothing to say. 

She just keeps putting herself out here in this world. She’s going on her first cruise and first time to the west Caribbean! It’s unbelievable. It has never been part of her story to get to travel like this. She keeps thinking about all the things that can go wrong… as her parents remind her people go missing or fall off the ship. She’s watched the safety videos, packed the motion sickness meds, etc. She is prepared to be as safe as she can, by being aware of her surroundings. 

She has packed & repacked. She wanted adventure & here it is cruise day! 

She had really been busy at work this past month, working 3 part-time jobs but then accepted a new full time position that starts the end of August. 

Chapter 6 

1 Day to Cruise 

3am wake up!

She arrived to airport smoothly, but then realized she didn’t have her phone. In a panic she ask the first person she sees can she use their phone to call her son it must be in car. 

The lady was so nice & handed her her phone. 

She couldn’t remember his cellphone #, ugh… she could only remember her moms. Left a voicemail & sent a text. The gentleman with the lady said what is your son's name on Facebook, I’ll message him. She told him & her son’s profile popped right up. He tried calling on messenger but it would only send message. Then she thanked them for their help. 

She then asked a baggage claim guy to call her mom, who answered & said I’m up & I got it. Then as she stood in a panic, is my phone in my bag? Her son had asked her flight details on the drive & she took it out of her pocket. She opens her small crossbody bag & yup she had shoved the phone in there. Immediately she called her son. I found it in my bag, ugh I thought it fell out of my pocket! He replied, “OK mom cause I wasn’t seeing it.” She then texted her Mom that she found it. 

Omg, there was her brain fog again. Ugh, which doesn’t help her anxiety! She took a deep breath & said girl get yourself together! Thank goodness I found helpful people that allowed me to use their phone. Bag checked & off she was to her first flight, Columbus to Chicago. She got to her gate in Chicago. With no problem, had time to get overpriced tea & oatmeal for $16. Her 5 hour flight to Miami should go well. 

She checked the cruise group page while waiting to board. A guy posted that he was landing at airport about 3:45pm if anyone wants to share an Uber? She checked her arrival time, which was 2:45pm, she thought why not share an Uber. She messaged & sent her cellphone number. 

Why not start to make acquaintances! 

Then message says flight 367 has a gate change.

What that’s my fight ugh B2 to B18…she begans to walk, saying to herself…

Just breathe girl, just breathe!

Ok made it to B18. 

She reminds herself, girl you got this!   

Better as a Memory? Chapter 3 & 4

 

Chapter 3 

The singles cruise is in 44 days. 

Beth has been busy working and trying to chat on the dating website. She had looked at numerous profiles & clicked like on a few. She felt that is what you do. She even texted hello to a few. She started chatting with a couple. 1 We will call the cuddler. The cuddler wanted to meet up at a local water park & really wanted to text everyday.

She was okay with texting each day as they were trying to get to know one another. She had to question him on cuddling because she has said friendship first & needing to go slow. He said oh yes I understand. He begged her not to ghost him. He sounded sweet, however, he kept saying stuff about I should be there to cuddle you. 

The next day she said, I just don’t know that we’re gonna work out because you keep talking a lot about cuddling and I’m just not ready for that. I thought you know we would take a date to go on a walk get something to eat, nothing to do with cuddling? I mean I’m just getting to know you and I’m a slow mover.

He texted back. Yeah I don’t think we’re going to work. I really need someone to cuddle, I guess I’m just not gonna find that person and I’m just going to quit dating app. Well, I’m not trying to ghost you but yeah, I get the feeling that we’re looking for different things. It’s good to know what you’re looking for and I wish you the best. 

Then Ken messaged & wanted to talk on phone. The app showed that they had a lot in common swimming, beach, and hiking. They talked about that on a phone call. They texted for a couple of hours. He said he was okay with going slow & tbat he understood her when she said friendship first. They checked their calendars to plan a walk & decided  Wednesday would work. Then his text started becoming about bet you look good, I like your pictures, what cha wearing and then he goes, “I’m well endowed & that I have to admit I like sex.” 

She texted back, “I’m just in regular pjs, this is fast & I’m looking for more than just bedroom stuff.” He stopped replying. Just like that he ghosted her, disappeared from the app. Beth was like there goes another one who says one thing but then their actions speak louder. They can’t even control themselves for 1 day, the truth comes out. He was looking for a hook up. His loss. Another one bites the dust.

It had been 7 days since her ex husband messaged her. 

She hadn’t responded to days of his text because he was messaging that he deserved a second chance, even if he can’t go on trip. She had texted that it was just another example that they have different interests & likes in life. Thus, nothing new to text, say. She decided it was best to text nothing new at all. 

She was previewing day excursions to pick from on the cruise. She knew she wanted to do the scuba diving excursion day on the cruise. She was preparing for a scuba dive locally with her dive buddy friend in 13 days. She was getting excited and nervous, but it’s like riding a bike the scuba diving. She just needed to get back to a dive. 

Why was dating not so easy? 

I’m too nice for this! Beth thinks as she clicks X on a few guys who sent her a like. She reads or sees a red flag. God, how many weeks, months does one do this dating stuff ? I’ve been waiting? Why is this my journey? Business like, she kept saying just keep it business like & right now your getting a bad business deal. 

Chapter 4 

31 days until Cruise 

Taking the advice of friends. Beth bought motion sickness medicine to pack. She’s looking for a bracelet you wear to help too. Not sure if she’ll get sea sick but better to prepare. Her cousin found her some bathing suits on sale. Thus, she’s  trying things on & planning the outfits. 

This past week, Beth’s ex husband’s fiancé messaged her. She must of read something on his phone or he said something. She wanted to know “is it true, that he asked you to give him a second chance?”

 Beth replied, “I do not talk to him often, I try to keep it about or kid, but yes usually he tells me he has changed & wants me back. I really don’t know you but I’m not gonna hide anything from you. I’m sorry. That is all I can say.” 

She replied, “That you are right to think he hasn’t changed. You are such an amazing mom.” Then she vented some stuff about how she’s  feeling about him. It’s not necessary to repeat that, just know that Beth responded & told her that she needs to decide what to do for herself. 

Being single is not easy but you deserve to be with someone who you want to be with. Someone who brings joy, enjoys doing things with you & supports you for who you are. 

Beth had to give her son some similar advice, as he had a relationship end this past week. Not that she is a relationship expert. She’s still navigating this dating app… scroll, read, click no or like. Sometimes she sends a “Hi” as the app suggests to do to stand out. Stand out ? as a possible suitor? as a candidate? What am I doing? this is what Beth thinks. This is me putting myself out there.  

Omg, what am I doing? So many guys & faces. All looking for a match. She explains to her son that maybe one day he’ll try this online dating. He laughs this off.

Beth had 3 job interviews in the last couple of weeks too. Got 1 offer but had to take an exam. Spent the week studying & worrying about her son, who decided to take a solo road trip, yes all alone. She had to ask friends for prayers. Her Aunt sent her a prayer to pray to Saint Joseph Cupertino … 

“Pray for the exam that I am preparing for… that the questions I get are ones of my expertise…”

Lots of studying & prayers, Beth passed the exam. 

The cruise has all these excursion options. A few are suggested for the single’s group. She’s got to make a list, she knows she plans to scuba dive. Then take a couple with the group, so many choices but she has been advised not to book 1 for every day either, wait to see how you feel that day. She can't believe she is planning her 1st cruise and it is by herself.

Beth’s ex husband saw her social media request for prayers for unspoken stuff. Yeah, in her attempts to be a writer her profile is public so her ex & his fiancé follower her. It’s okay, she strives to be a light & not shut people out. Thus, he began messaging what's wrong. Beth replied, “you can message our child for details. I’m not dying & he’s not dying. Just asked for prayers for unspoken stuff.” He still hasn’t figured out how to be a parent or how to be an ex.

Beth is waiting to start new job hiring paperwork, which is delayed due to the July 4th holiday. She sees some new jobs and applies to those, she has been applying weekly for a year now, so why stop now and she has not signed a contract yet. Due to the July 4th holiday, she enjoyed watching fireworks with friends and family. She is planning a local scuba dive this weekend, going with her instrutor and another lady. She needs to practice her skills before the cruise.

She talked and cried, yes some tears have flowed, but only to her best friends about how crazy & stressful this past week has been. Most importantly, she breathes & tries to make the best of each day. 

Her son returned home after traveling 1,000 miles away. That is another story for another day. Thank God he made it back safe and sound. You know her momma heart was worrying.

Better as a Memory? Chapter 2

​Chapter 2 

Saturday morning.

She wakes & looks at her phone…

has a text message from the guy she was dating,  one from her ex-husband & her best friend. 

The guy she was dating, well went on three dates with. She’ll just call him another liar. She caught him smoking a cigarette while she was in pool. He said that he liked hanging out at the pool, but there he was in jeans and a T-shirt sitting at a table. Then in his hand a cigarette, that he was trying to hide. Yeah she noticed, but didn’t bring it up cause her friends were there. She just kept quiet, kept her distance so after the date,  that night he messaged, did I do something wrong? She texted, Yep actions speak louder than words and I saw you smoking. He texted, So we’re done talking ? Yep we’re done talking, she texted back. 

 He texted something about another chance & that he hadn’t smoked in 20 years. She texted, stop texting or I’ll block you, we are not going to work out. 

Then she reads what her ex husband texted.  “I’m not in a financial position to go on trip, it’s not fair that you won’t give me a chance. Do you even know where I live or work?.” She text back, “ none of that matters don’t you see that we don’t have the same interest? Nothing more to say.” 

She texted her best friend back, “Good morning. I ended it with the smoking liar by text & then I stupidly texted the ex husband.” She texted , “Oh no and why text the ex husband?” She text, “Well he sent me a message again about giving him another chance and I just gave him an ultimatum, that if he goes on the singles cruise than I would.” 

She text, “oh no, why you do that? You know you got to stop hoping he’s changed? Isn’t he engaged to someone else.” She text, “ I just want him to see that we don’t like to do the same things. He texted a few weeks ago that he is engaged but that she is still married, that he really wants me back. Which is exactly the opposite of a changed person. I can’t even believe that he has the nerve to ask me out! I’m so frustrated with relationships & dating that I stupidly texted him back!” 

She text Beth, “Do you actually want him to show up on the cruise?” 

She returns with this text, “I don’t know anymore, is my life a movie? In the movies the ex shows up & everyone lives happily ever after. I just want a vacation. I’m trying to put myself out there. I doubt I’ll fall in love on a cruise but perhaps make friendships. I’m looking for establishing friendship first. I’m a mess, I’m guarded and not looking for hookups.” 

She text Beth back, “I know you are frustrated and are going through this as best you can in being business-like. I’m sorry about the smoking liar. You got to ignore your ex husband, he’s not truthful and not sure what he’ll do knowing about your trip.” She texts, “I know better than to play into his messages, but then I did, ugh well I’m not gonna stress over it. I’ll just ignore him. Thanks for listening to me & being my best friend.” She text Beth back, “I’m sorry you gotta go through this but I’m here for you, want the best for you and love you.” 

Beth knows she is so blessed to have best friends like this. She delete her ex husband’s new text messages about how he’s changed & deserves a second chance. She deletes the message from the lying smoker too.

 She opens the match app to see if she has any new messages. She has a few so she responds, “Thanks for the likes. however, be sure to read my profile and then let me know if you are still interested in texting to get to know more about each other I’m not looking for a hook up but friendship first.” 

The singles cruise is in 50 days. 

Better as a Memory? Chapter 1

 Better as a Memory?

It’s in a line from a song on the Kenny Chesney album, The Poets & Pirates album. Little did Beth know that it would become her reality. 

Back when she was young & dumb, she fell in love. The hard & fast kind. Something just overtook her, the summer she turned 19. 

This person is better as a memory. They didn’t work. They just don’t, but years after their divorce, he came to her, by text message, begging for another chance. Usually, she ignored these texts, but one night she texted him back.  

She gave him an ultimatum. Did he go for it? 

This is that story. 

Chapter 1

 

Memories, oh how they can haunt you but then they can make you smile. Beth does not regret the memories she has because they have made her who she is. She is a single mom, of a college aged kid, who has survived divorce. She started to put herself out in this dating world. First, by doing things that she has interest in. She took a solo road trip in an RV, that 8 month adventure is another story for another day. She got scuba diving certified, went diving in Ohio’s Lake Erie and thought about skydiving, but then the thought of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, well that is an adventure she just hasn’t brought to fruition. Now she is trying online dating and oh what an adventure that is. So far, they all tell her what she wants to hear, but their actions don’t match. 

She has gone to several therapists and did a local Divorce Survivor class. She has learned to be business-like. She has chosen to be a person of chastity. What does that mean? Well it looks like this, she is looking for friendship first and dates that include going for a meal, walks, swimming or a similar activity. Her dating profile states; 

 

“I’m a single mom, Educator, Teacher and inspiring changemaker. In 2021, I wintered in Florida; Ohio is my home. Warm weather adventures needed! Applying & thinking about a Doctorate.

I’m confident that with the right person, a long distance, committed relationship can work. I don’t want to pay your way, I’m self employed and pay my own. 

I told God, you’ll have to send a BIG sign, I do not trust easily and I’m probably jaded. I’m for building friendship first. 

My future husband is a Father and/or Uncle, responsible, kind, helpful & understands who I am; plans Weekend fun! I Want to be fun Grandparents some day. 

Prenup is a must! 

Biden Harris 2020 

I don’t always vote under 1 political party. 

I have alopecia so I wear a hat or hair clip in, like Dolly Parton! 

I’m a Writer of stories & songs, lyricist in addition to my blog. 

I’m allergic to Dogs, like them but can’t share a bedroom etc.”

This is what she decided to say. What would you say? Anyways, business like she keeps telling herself and remember you going to meet a lot of people, so be prepared to be nice but stick to the business, friendship plan. This is the only way she can even allow herself to go through this process. 

She messaged those who sned her a like or Hi, she texts, “Any questions? Did you read my profile ?’ Most of the men don’t, she assumes they message her after liking the pictures. This is flattering at first, but it’s not real. She says thanks and ask them to read & review because, remember, she is being business like with friendship first. Some delete her & some ask to meet up. 

Also, she is business like with her ex husband, father of her child. He messages and usually ends up asking her out. Asking for another chance, why or why is he? To her, he’s better as a memory. The past is the past. She was frustrated one weekend after a failed date. Her ex-husband sends her a text. 

 

“Just want to spend time with you and be with you and love each other is that too much to ask to want to be with you no matter what, I have changed.” 

Seriously, she thought. His actions don’t match his words. We don’t even like doing the same things. We share a child together, that’s the only reason I take his texts and don’t block him. He never learned to be business like. Ugh 

As she was drinking a rum & diet, she text him back. 

“Well I joined Match dating site again … they have a singles trip… I’m going … if you have changed & think you are for me then you’d be able to go too… that’s what I’m

looking for… someone who can & would go on trips like this…”

He text back “really, send me info”

She sends a number to the travel agent, “you call & set it up. I’m not helping you.”

“I’m really gonna try to make it” he texted 

 Then he text, so if I can’t go you won’t give me another chance?”

She waits, takes a drink, starting to feel a little tipsy she texts… 

“Yes, that’s right this is an ultimatum… and I’m playing the field, weighing my options & being business like … friendship first… if you want to prove to me you’ve changed & have same interests, then you will go on the trip.”

She laughed out loud to herself and decided to go to bed.